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January 17, 2003
Reflections on LA
--------------------------------------------------------- 10:55am Going back to LA for a couple day's for my nephew's birth has been fun and interesting. Its strange to go to 'visit' a place that was my home for so long. It was REALLY good to see old friends though. Being with Matt and Richard on the Promenade really brought back a lot of memories. Really the only bad part was at the very end of Cnation. The rest will always be remembered very fondly. Its always nice to be with people you have so much good history with. Its like there is this connection you share where you can still finish each others sentences and thoughts, even though you've been apart for a long time. I love living in Mammoth, but unlike Phoenix, I love LA too. Its such an eclectic place with such good weather. Ocean, mountains, trees, people of all types. Even now that I live far from the city, and find much of the city a little overbearing, I walked around Santa Monica comfortably, enjoying its eccentricities. It was good to spend time with my family under such happy circumstances too. I think Caleb will change our family dynamics more than almost anything prior. For the better.From the balcony of the hospital, I could see the clock tower building on 3rd and Santa Monica where I used to work. It definitely made me nostalgic. I couldn't help but ask myself if I'd go back if I could. I've changed who I am dramatically, from my values to my temprament. But the thought is tempting. I felt such comrodery with everyone there. Thai, Greg, Derek, Matt, Al, Rich, Srithip, David, Colin, Thornton, Rob, Cindy, Zack, Woji, and all the short timers. I felt a very deep sense of acceptance in that place at that time. I remember many times seeing how, even though much of the time was stressfull for one reason or another, we laughed a lot. We laughed a great deal, most all of the time. We enjoyed working together, being together, and learning from each other. Its hard sometimes when there is such a bright spot of fond memories which is now past. It helps to believe life is a series of bright spots, with no necessary rational for how far spread apart they will be. Its not something you can even aim for really. They just happen.
In the end, I feel I've taken some learning from this nostalgic trip. I'm still too uptight about time. I've known this for a long 'time'. I am not totally sure how to cure this, but I've got some ideas. I believe most of my problem has to do with my definition and need to feel constantly 'productive'. When the need oppresses me too much, I tend to get less productive, exacerbating the problem. Balance must be found. Knowing me, I'll attempt to find a solution in some systamatic approach to finding balance. I'll tell you if it works. One of the negative consequences of my obsession with time is that I often neglect to keep close contact with my friends. I need to work on that. Because of all my strong memories, few are of 'projects' or 'deadlines'. Most are of good times with good friends. Friends whom I still care a great deal for. I hope they all know that.
Posted by wonko at January 17, 2003 10:11 PM
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