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January 25, 2003

Dream Breakthrough!

Last night, or this morning I should say, I had a crazy dream. I don't remember the beginning of it, and I wonder whether the dream wasn't broken up into segments because I had the dream after my alarm went off in between snooze sessions. So I think I might have had the first part in a previous snooze session which set up the rest of the dream. First of all, I need to say I didn't know I was dreaming. In fact, I was sure I wasn't, which scared me a great deal as I will explain later. I was walking up to a building, in a large complex of buildings, which I knew I had been to before. There was some snowboarding comp going on with accompanying seminars (for some reason). I walked in to a large conference room and saw Steve and Gina Davie getting ready to watch a conference as it was going to begin. It was at this point that I remembered I had to get to work. In real life, I was going to go snowboarding this morning, but woke up with stabbing pain in my throat and decided to sleep in a little, come in to work early and let Won ride. For me to NOT ride and NOT let Won off early to ride would be selfish. Thats in real life. I was thinking this in the dream though, so I ran off from Steve and proceeded to try and find out how to get to work from here, which was in a connected building. I ended up in this large Mall which I know I've never been in, but seemed familiar in the dream. So much so that as I was walking around it, I saw things which clued me into the notion that I was going in the right direction, like a set of slot machines. Of course, there are no slot machines, nor a mall where I work, so why I would immediately go, "Ahhh the slot machines, I'm getting close, I just need to go that way," is a mystery to me. There more I walked the more I realized things weren't looking right. Not that I didn't recognize what I saw (because I thought I did), just that things lacked clarity. I tried to think back to when I had woke up and what clothing I had put on for work, and couldn't really remember. As I walked by one shop there was a shiny chrome panel and I could just make out what I was wearing. It looked like I was wearing long sleeve, long legged pajamas. For some reason, in the dream this made sense to me. I had forgotten to change into my work clothing that morning! Of course I don't own those types of pajamas. Finally when I reached P3 and Won (which was a store front in this mall) I saw myself in a mirror and was horrified to find I wasn't wearing pajamas at all, but this shiny gold ensamble that had the same shape and fit as long sleeved long legged pajamas. Why did I not realize I was dreaming at this time? I reasoned in the dream that I had put something on in the dark before I left while sick and delirious, it made sense to me. I went up to Won and told him why I didn't board that morning and my plans to relieve him so he could board, but that in my sickness I had been delirious and not changed. I told him I'd run home and change and come back to relieve him. I ran out of the building hoping to catch the bus. There was this big round area with lots of bus signs marked Green, Red, Yellow, Green/Yellow, which makes sense because these are the colors of the bus lines where I live. I needed the Green/Yellow bus, which is really the bus that goes nearest my place in real life. I realized that it might take a while for it to come and I was in a hurry, so I had the idea that I would find Steve Davie again and either ask for a ride, or borrow his car. I ran off looking for where he was. I ran into this building which I thought connected to the room he was in, but it didn't. So I ran out and ran towards the building I knew he was in, but for some reason had a difficult time getting there. There were all these gates and fences. Somewhere around this point, I started singing a song in my head, in my dream. It was a nestalgic song in its tone and made me sad for some reason. As I ran through this large grey grassy field towards the building I knew he was in, I was reflecting on the day so far and suddenly wondered whether it was a dream.

I need to stop at this point and talk about Waking Life for a sec. There is a scene in Waking Life where the main character is talking to another character who tells him there is no way of knowing whether you are dreaming or awake, unless you know how to recognize the subtleties. For instance, while dreaming, you can't read digital clocks or fine print. Also, flicking light switches, in dreams, seems to have no affect. His suggestion was to randomly flick light switches, even while awake, just to get used to the notion of always checking. To be honest it seemed absurd to me. I feel like I know when I'm really awake, I just don't know when I'm dreaming. You can see the paradox there. How can I really know if I'm awake if I don't know when I'm dreaming. So in the dream, when I wondered whether I was dreaming, I had that same absurd feeling. Of course I wasn't dreaming, if I was awake, I'd know it. I reasoned that I must be awake because everything was so real. Of course, the reality was that none of this was very real. But whatever it is within your brain that differentiates real from unreal was clearly asleep while the rest of my mind wandered. I think what finally snapped me out of it was a believe that I WANTED this to be a dream because the whole situation was so frustrating. It was at this point, still not sure if it was a dream, that I opened my eyes. I was in bed and my alarm clock was playing that song that I was singing. All of that had happened in one 10 minute snooze cycle. The dream, that happened completely contiguously, for what reason says was at least 2 hours without skipping or break, had happened in 10 minutes. I woke up thinking that maybe the idea of flicking light switches while awake wasn't a bad idea. Maybe the habbit would carry over to my dreams and alert me to when I'm dreaming.

I haven't analyzed the dream yet, so I'm not sure its meaning. There are obviously some strong themes of being a slave to time, and maybe thats all there is to it. What I got out of it most, though, was how real a dream can seem because things that aren't real can be accepted as such without question. We don't question memories. When we walk to our front door, we don't ask whether this is our REAL front door, we just know it is because our memory says so. In dreams, our memories can conjure up whatever it wants and we will accept it without question... unless we learn to question. What is the power of knowing you're dreaming? I'm still not sure. I'll keep working on it though.

Posted by wonko at January 25, 2003 05:24 AM

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Posted by: Dr.Lolly at February 2, 2003 10:08 AM

Posted by: Obigabu at December 23, 2003 11:51 PM

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