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April 02, 2003

Happiness, guilt and retirement

I love living in Mammoth more and more each day. I feel very lucky and very happy. I'm probably the happiest I've been in my life. I think about it every day as I lead, what I view as, a fulfilling life. I do not have many responsibilities. This is very intentional. I do take the responsibilities I have very seriously though. I attempt to make my life as carefree and simply as possible within reason. I also try and have as much fun as possible, within reason. But as I've mentioned before, I often feel guilty, wondering if I am 'wasting' my life by not doing what is expected of me.
What is expected of me? I guess that I get a 'real job' and make 'real money'. Or that I 'apply' myself and use my talents. Implying my current job is a waste of my talent and intelligence. Or that I make a strong effort at 'making a difference.' My idealistic self, while agreeing my current job does not challenge me in any way, believes that there is much more than ones job. Why is it that we (Americans maybe) feel funny about people who are having a lot of fun. It just doesn't seem right. We all want to have fun, but life just isn't fun for many.
One argument has to do with retirement. You can't just have fun because what happens when you get old, can't work, and do not have money for retirement. You should work hard now and save heavily for retirement. This argument does have merit, but also some flaws. First of all, most people get to a point where they can't work anymore because they didn't keep their bodies in shape. Many people just deteriorate once they retire. Retirement is also often a big deal to people because, in order to save for retirement, they were in a job they didn't really like anyway. So getting to the point where they don't have to do it anymore becomes very important. It is a HUGE letdown to find out you haven't saved enough to stop doing what you were doing, even though you hated it. So you work from 22-65 so that the last 10-20 years of your life can be spent not working. What if you tried to do it in reverse. First of all, make sure you are enjoying life to its fullest now from 22 on. I don't mean enjoying life through over indulgence. Physical wellness is more important than financial security. Sarah had a difficult time with that last statement. Here is the example. You work hard now, sacrificing physical wellness on a macro scale to ensure you can retire comfortably (financial security), but when you retire, (right on time at 65), you are unable to fully take advantage of your freedom due to physical inability, was it worth it? On the reverse, if you made physical wellness a priority and as a consequence could not retire on time, but could continue enjoying life much longer due to your physical ability.

I want to stress the difference between enjoying life and over indulgence. Money is a powerful thing that can forcibly steer your life in many directions. Debt is bad, there is no doubt in my mind about that. Freedom in life can easily be equated to freedom from debt. It is important to be a careful and wise stewart of your money. It is important to save. These are all true, but life must be lived and enjoyed.

I also want to stress the importance of happiness on physical wellness. Stress, for example, can cause a tremendous number of physical problems, as can depression and apathy. Whether by how it affects your eating habits, how it affects your desire to stay in shape, or how your temperament can affect you physiologically. Unhappy people tend to not be well over the long term.

So given all the above, why do I feel guilty and why are others pressuring me to do something other than what I'm doing? Firstly, obviously, its because others, whose opinion I care about, are pressuring me. Secondly, our society seems to, at the least, disapprove of my behavior. Most view my behavior as overly idealistic. Some would probably call me a hippy, a punk, a dissident, lazy, or immature. I've tried to evaluate the intended meanings of these types of insults and I'm not sure I agree. Rather, I think there are ranges of accepted behavior which I seem to fall outside of. Social relativity, if you will.

As to 'making a difference'. I still struggle with the meaning of that one. Most people seem to go through life with their only contribution to society being negative ones (not intentionally). Especially us American's who use 40% of the world's resources. I do think I have an obligation to contribute as an enlightened member of society. Enlightened in that I realize we are all in this together and that it is the obligation of every member to contribute in a positive way for the sake of the whole as well as posterity. Most people's only real 'contribution' are their kids. Though not always a positive one.

Along these lines, as I look into the future, the only thing that seems to throw my ideas off, ARE kids. I am going to write about this dilemma in my next blog entry, but just to emphasize this again, I do not want kids anytime soon. Even while I am getting more comfortable and confident in my ideological ideas of how I should spend my waking moments, I am still pondering the question of how I can make a difference. I'll tell you as soon as I know. :)

Posted by wonko at April 2, 2003 01:45 AM

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