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July 23, 2003
Thunder and Lightening
Finally, some weather. Last week I was in Tuolumne on Friday and Saturday. Both days it poured on us in the afternoon with a spectacle of thunder and lightening. Yesterday evening I heard LOUD thunder as I worked on this Kittredge computer stuff. I immediately would out for a bike ride and was caught in a downpour. The sound of the thunder was deafening and made me jump a couple times. I got drenched, but thoroughly enjoyed the weather. I came home and had a strange night last night. Lots of strange thoughts about the past, present and future. Even a premonition or two.The thunder has returned today with brilliant lightening. It hasn't really started raining yet, but it will. I'm listening to band #1 pondering the thoughts of the night before. I am trying to break them down into sizable chunks. Simple questions. The hard part is knowing we (all of us) learn basically by analogy and example. In this way, it is hard for us to discern what should be done vs. what feels like it should be done because everyone else says it. How much of what people do can be attributed to blind faith that they SHOULD be doing what everyone else is trying to do? A lot of it just doesn't make sense. It almost seems like you need to be fully dedicated to the system, or not at all.
A lot of these thoughts come back to another paradox I've been pondering. Looking back over the last couple years it seems as though there are things that just work out only if you let them and do not worry about them. This is so against my nature though, to let things be without planning or worrying. But I cannot deny this observation. I've observed it in other people too. Those that didn't worry and let things happen tended to fair well. But its always a struggle not to take to heart what the world is telling you about how you have to be going forward in this way or that. So that even those worry-free friends I have seem to get pangs of guilt now and then which throws a wrench in it all.
Its raining now.
I'm getting older, but I'm both younger AND older than I was 8 years ago. Live IS really like chess. It seems to me now that we choose paths based solely on our current understand plus what we see as the next couple of moves. However, by the time we make those moves, our understanding of the game has changed, plus our opponent has changed his strategy. In this way you can find yourself going back and forth from opposing paths. Each time the change of direction seems like the most prudent course of action. Who's to say it isn't. Being flexible has its advantages, and disadvantages.
The only thing I DO know is that I can not choose courses of action just because it seems right. I have my doubts, I see the questions and my philosophy has always been that we are accountable for the answers to questions we know to ask, whether we ask them or not. The tough part isn't accepting the answers...
It's asking the questions.
Posted by wonko at July 23, 2003 02:43 PM
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Comments
I seems sometime as we get older, we really feel younger in our attitude and the way we handle our thoughts and decisions. I think was really happens is that we become more relaxed and confident with ourselves. Although we still feel that the decisions are a serious matter,and are concerned we are more confortable with our mistakes. When we were younger we catastrophied everything. I think you get my drift, because we feel more relaxed and comfortable with ourselves, it makes us feel more carefree and younger.
Posted by: slide on the ice at July 23, 2003 04:55 PM
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