« The Yes Men | Main | City Cancer »
January 18, 2004
The Fear
I wrote this a while ago, but for some reason, never posted it.The fear comes in many forms. It is almost never unexpected. The foreknowledge of the impending fear can be as bad as the fear itself, a pre-fear fear. Like a dog suddenly going barking mad before an earthquake, some voice inside begins sounding sirens that things are about to take a turn.
Action leads to reaction, which in turn leads to further action. We move along lines which begin as ideas leading to decisions and directions, becoming paths, culminating in crusades. The fear is present in all of this. The fear gives us cloudy visions of a future where our next decision has escalated into a full-blown lifestyle. Some ignore the fear. Others react to the fear believing the fear to be their conscience; the angel or demon attempting to sway their very being towards the light or the dark. These pour souls who believe the fear to be a warning and nothing more make their decisions to appease the fear. They make their decisions in submission of the fear. It is not our conscience, THAT fear comes in a form which is easily distinguishable from 'The' fear.
I read "Into the Wild" sometime around 3 years ago give or take an age. Reading it gave me the fear. I immediately considered reading other such books. This intensified the fear. I decided to face the fear and continue in a direction I knew would only serve to anger the fear. It responded by assaulting me with doubt and confusion. Still I continued. Now I'm on the road reading "On the Road" understand it on a level separate from fiction or history. I am seeing the boiling blood between the pages that paves some road to what end I still can not see. I have the fear. I am small, selfconscience, tepid, humbled by some decision I can not articulate, but know I am making.
Posted by wonko at January 18, 2004 01:13 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.wayfargone.com/cgi-bin/mt-tb.cgi/207
Comments
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)