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July 03, 2004
Changing Lanes: Los Angeles
I'm in Los Angeles now. I'll be living here for a month. I'm here to work for Bi(z)rate for a month as a contractor. Its the same company my brother works for. I am bouncing around where I live between a couple places, including my brothers. Its strange to be programming full-time again. I haven't had a 'desk' job in over 3 years. After this stint in LA, I will be taking a LONG road trip with Kasei. Starting in LA and moving our way to Providence, RI, stopping in CO, OR, MD, NY, and who knows where else. After that, who knows.If you know me, then you can assume by this brief status update that I am leaving a lot of blank holes in the story. You'd be assuming right. A lot is happening in my life right now. I have not been writing about any of these things, and have been replacing my personal writings with writings on politics because of my own fear. I've been protecting myself and others. It was easy to write about good things that were happening. It was easy to write about things i was figuring out that seemed to be making my life better. Starting back when I stopped writing as regularly, things began happening that were not good. In as far as I could write about things only relating to me, without true judgment, it was easy. In as far as these things involve others, I have been fearful that my true thoughts might betray me to others in a number of ways. Firstly, that by sharing my true thoughts I might lose some sort of advantage. Secondly, that by sharing my true thoughts others would force me to deal with things I was having a difficult time dealing with. Thirdly, that my true thoughts would be misconstrued by those I care about and that my thoughts themselves might be clouded, leading me to say things that I really didn't mean, but would hurt others, specifically those I love.
I have made many mistakes in my life. There are few areas where. knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change things. I constantly argue about the word regret. I can find the good that came of things I did wrong. I can see how those poor decisions led me to where I am, but that doesn't make them right. I struggle to be a better person, fulfilling my own dreams and desires. I also struggle to support those I love with my thoughts, words and actions. Sometimes these two things conflict. I have often made the wrong decision when choosing between the two.
All I can rely on now is my highest truth which is to seek the truth, always.
Posted by wonko at July 3, 2004 10:52 PM
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Comments
Namaste
Posted by: Andrew at July 8, 2004 07:09 PM
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